Wednesday, October 10, 2018

This is the morning...

This is the morning. Morning of me having a double mastectomy and saying good by to my breasts.

Since the diagnose, I have been thinking a lot of things, but for the most part I feel calm and feeling that I am making the right choice.

I wrote a good-by letter to my breasts. If you care to read, that's great, if not you can skip this part. :)



Dear Boobs,

I was such a late bloomer and I didn't start seeing you two until the middle of high school. When you ladies are finally a noticeable size and I was able to upgrade from "triangular cloth" like bra to a grown up real looking bra with lace, I was so excited. In a way, I felt like I was becoming a woman.

Many years passed and I had three babies and I was able to breast feed them all. That was such a wonderful feeling to hold my babies, looking at them and I was able to provide something nutritious for them to grow and be strong. I will always treasure those memories and I am so thankful for that. Because of that, you kind of changed in size and shape, but I was ok with that. That is the natural course of human life and I was going to grow old with you two.

Then, a few weeks ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. That is not cool. That is like stubbing me in the back. Not cool... I know sometimes things happen and relationships change. I felt shocked and saddened, but the decision came rather quickly: I am going to say good bye to you both today; so I can be with the people who matter to me and I love the most.

I saw a t-shirt that one of my breast cancer survivor friends posted on Facebook. It said something like, "Yes, these are fake. My real ones were trying to kill me". That made me laugh, don't you think it is important to have a sense of humor; especially during hard times?

I know there is going to be a time where I will look at the scars and feel sad, but I know myself. I will get over all this.

What helps me is that I have a husband who loves me with or without scars. We have been through so much with my other medical issues, but he has unconditional love towards me like no other. I know this is one of the things that brings us closer together and makes our relationship stronger.

Thank you for all the great memories but it is time to say good-bye. I will add you to my war stories, but I am moving on with my life. My heart is filled with optimism and my eyes are fixed on happiness.


love,

Sachiko



So, I took care of that. Now, let me tell you what is on my mind since my diagnosis and since this morning. I am not going to lie, I have been feeling a little bit worried, scared and all that, but you know what? More than anything, I am feeling gratitude. I don't want to sounds corny, but I feel like I am getting an early Thanksgiving.

Since the diagnosis, I am experiencing an outpouring of love and support from the people in my life. I am not going to name everyone, but you will know when you read this if I am talking about you.

Thank you so much for you, you are also Breast Cancer survivors, and you took the time to listen and talk to me. You gave me so much strength and optimism during this whole process.

Thank you so much to listening to me after the diagnosis and for crying with me. I needed that moment.

Thank you so much friends for hosting a potluck dinner night and for creating a recovery and care basket. They all came from your heart and I know they will come in handy. I know we all have something to go through, but you put them aside and came to my aid.

Thank you so much for taking me out to brunch and listening to me. Showing me love the way you always have, you are such a great friend.

Thank you so much for sewing the special camisole for post surgery and shipping them to me, especially since you are so busy with other things.

Thank you so much for going to appointments with me. I know I always say "I am fine" and am not very easy person to offer help to. But, I really loved it that you were there with me.

Thank you so much for the fun lunch outings and such thoughtful gifts. I enjoy our conversations so much. We talk about lots of things and you make me laugh a lot.

Thank you so much for the "after school snack" packages for my kids, I didn't even think about that, but they came in handy.

Thank you so much for the baked goods and nice visits.

Thank you so much for organizing meals for after surgery for my family with the neighborhood ladies. I know you are so busy, but it is amazing to see how you always manage to have time to help others in need.

Thank you friends in the neighborhood for your willingness to help. I know most of you have young families and have so much already on your plate.

Thank you my companion in my church calling. Your willingness to be flexible is helping me more than you know.

Thank you to all of you who have been texting, calling, and sending me emails. Your acts of kindness touch my heart.

Thank you for the wonderful handmade blanket, I will always cherish it.

Thank you so much to me sisters for checking up on me through text and phone calls even though you are thousands of miles away. I wish you were both here, but I am grateful for your love and the technology that allows us to communicate. Oh, and the kids LOVED the care package with all the Japanese snacks and gifts for each one of them. Love you so much!

Thank you to my children for being so kind and strong. Because of them I can be braver than I actually am.

Thank you to my husband, who is my best friend and for always being there for me. We had our 23rd anniversary and I am looking forward to many more years with you. I know when I wake up from my anesthesia, I will not look like sleeping beauty, but you will still love me the same.

There are so many small, but meaningful to me, of the Lord's tender mercies that has happened in the last few weeks. I am just so grateful that I am not going through this surgery with anger, resentment and sadness. I am feeling so much love and support from my friends and family; and that strengthens me. I am grateful that Heavenly Father is mindful of me and my needs and He will always be there when I reach out to Him.

Ok, ladies, I am be off to the hospital. Talk to you soon!

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