Thursday, March 3, 2011

A letter to Michael ~ Thou Shall not be Easily Offended~

Note: If you are a new reader of my blog, or not a regular reader and don't know what I am going to talk about, read My Life So Far first. :)

Dear Michael,

Yesterday, when I was tucking you into bed, I asked you how you thought about my visit in your class. You were so excited that I was there, and that made me so happy. I also, jokingly asked you, "Hey, did your friends say, Oh Michael you are so lucky, your mom is so awesome and pretty?" (Really, I was joking by the way)
Instead of laughing, you shook your head sideways with a sad look on your face so I knew immediately there was something wrong.

I asked you "What's wrong?" and you hesitantly said "Well, some kids said, your mom is legless."(Now that I think of it, Legless isn't very original or unique; it's just stating a fact. Maybe they were just curious. Remember, they are only 8 years old, just like you.)

Wow, talk about a sting in your heart. Growing up I got bullied or teased about missing a limb or having a prosthetic limb, so I thought I was used to those comments, but I wasn't expecting to hear that at that moment. It totally caught me off guard. It stings... Ouch.

Then you said, "Don't worry, next time when someone says that about you, I will punch them and break their nose."

Your declaration totally melted my heart. You have been such a sweetheart from day 1. You always make me laugh, help me with things around the house and give me lots of hugs and kisses every day. You have a lion’s heart, strong, brave and always a defender of our family.

But Michael, I want you to remember what I told you last night. People say wrong things sometimes; whether it's either intentional, or not. If we had a different set of eyes most of us would be in a wheel chair, because our feet are constantly in our mouths.
You can't go around punching people whenever they say the wrong things and hurt your feelings.

I guess what I want to say is that, you can't control what comes out from their mouths, but you can control how you react to it. It is not easy, in fact, I struggle sometimes too.

One thing I know though, you can either get offended, hold grudges and live a miserable life or not to get offended so easily and move on. It is not easy at first, but the last one works much better for your own good.

Don't let hurtful words or situations define who you are or who you are becoming. When you know that you didn't do anything wrong and people are still mean to you, use them as a tool to become a better you.

I wish I could run, or go for a long walk with you but I can't. But one thing I am very hopeful is that my children might have a high chance of being kind and compassionate. Just remember how you felt when the boy said, "Your mom is legless". It didn't feel good did it? So, when you meet someone who is different or disabled, be kind to them and become a friend to them. It's just because you think you are healthier, smarter or in a grown-up case richer doesn't make you superior. What matter is what's in your heart.

One last thing...

I am not ashamed of my condition; in fact I look at health issues I have and think how can I deal with this and become a better person. Some days are harder than others, but I keep working on it. Ultimately, that's what we are here for, to learn and to grow spiritually.
So you shouldn't be ashamed of my leglessness either. (It's not in the dictionary, so don't even look it up). Keep your head up high and move on!

I know I have been blessed with many things, and you are one of my top rated blessings. I love you so so much Michael, and I hope you know that.

If a fairy appeared from somewhere and told me I can get a new leg, but in return I have to trade in one of my children, I would turn it down. That is something I am so sure about.

I realized it now, what that sting meant I felt in my heart when you told me about the comment. The sting wasn’t for me, it was for YOU. I felt sad, because I imagined how you must have felt when he said what he said.

Being a mom taught me many things over the years, but I realized something today. I am so blessed because I am surrounded by people that I care so much more about than myself.

Thank you Michael for letting me be your mom.

Love

Mom

64 comments :

  1. what an awesome post, and what a gift to give to your son! Way to go Mom!

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  2. You are awesome and pretty! and a great Mom!!! (Not to mention a mega talented artist!)

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  3. You are such a beautiful person and a wonderful mother!

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  4. What a wonderful, thoughtful post. It amazes me how strong moms can be sometimes. I hope you keep this for your son to read over and over again as he grows up.

    Your conversation with your son reminded me of a time many, many years ago when my oldest son was very small, and was attending preschool. His class received a new student, a little African-American boy. One day, my son (whose closest friend that year was African-American, by the way) couldn't remember his name, so he described him as "the brown boy". The boy's mother was extremely offended by this; she called us racists and filed a complaint with the school. I explained to the school director that it was simply a 4-year-old's way of distinguishing that boy from the red-headed boy, or the chubby boy, or the boy with the glasses, and that HER reaction was doing more damage than MY son had done.
    I'm so glad you are able to see that most of the kids probably weren't being mean, just curious, and that they simply haven't learned social graces yet.

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  5. PJ....I love that boy so much;you have touched my heart or better yet, Michael Baby has touched my heart(thanks for making me cry!).
    I love and miss all of you. The boys talk about their cousins so much it breaks my heart that we are not nearby. But I know our children have a wonderful bond and great memories!!!

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  6. Bug-

    Wow, what an experiense to go through! Thank you for sharing your story.

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  7. I generally am shy to comment on such posts (i am not very brave that way), but decided i want to here.
    Wow..what a brave way to look at things that are actually not so easy to live with. I salute you for that.. And i am very sure that your kids will be compassionate and mature and understand these small nuances of life better.. Way to go!! All the best :)

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  8. Thank you for sharing from your heart! I felt like I was sitting criss-cross applesauce with Michael, listening in on your motherly advice and wisdom. ;-)

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  9. Beautiful letter and such true words. I loved how you stated it. Lovely!

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  10. that story made me tear a little! thanks for teaching me a great lesson too! :)

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  11. This is beautiful, melted my heart, I don't know what else to say except that you a beautifully strong woman and I'm glad you recognize the blessing your son is.

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  12. Out of the mouths of babes... your doing a great job! What a teachable moment with your child!

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  13. Your post brought me to tears!
    I think you are doing a great job teaching your children true moral and ethical values and I am sure that with a parent like yourself they are going to be wonderful people!
    I liked Bug's reasoning that the children are small and have not yet mastered social grace!

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  14. What a great and compassionate kid you have there. Good job, mom. Compassion seems simple enough to teach, but perhaps we can all use a reminder.

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  15. What a great post!!!

    I can imagine how do you felt receving that punch when you did not expected anymore...but you teached something worthy and wonderful to your son.

    you are awesome

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  16. Wonderful post! Have you ever thought of doing a question and answer session with his class? I think most children that age are curious and perhaps you could enlighten them.

    So sweet that your son is ready to defend your honor!

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  17. Wonderful post! Have you ever thought of doing a question and answer session with his class? I think most children that age are curious and perhaps you could enlighten them.

    So sweet that your son is ready to defend your honor!

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  18. As I was reading your post I knew immediately your hurt was for your son...no Mother wants their child to be hurt...and as we know, children can be cruel. You are an exceptional person to show your son the compasionate and loving way to deal with those times. We want to shield our children from the cruelties of the world, but our real job is to teach them to be better...and you have shown you are up to the job. You are doing wonderful, and no doubt Michael will grow up to be a caring and giving man!

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  19. I just wanted to say that despite all of the struggles you have gone through, you are giving Michael such a precious gift...the gift of love and understanding. My older brother is autistic and more than anything else growing up, he taught me to love those who are different. He taught me to look at others who weren't the same as me and find the good in them, to learn from them. Thank you for giving Michael and your other children that precious gift!

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  20. awesome job, Mom. I am sorry your son got his feelings hurt; but, is there any chance that the other kids were just curious? I sure hope so...

    Oh! And like another poster, my son has referred to the brown boy- to him it is just a description of appearance- the brown boy is one of his favorite playmates and now that I know the boy, he uses his name :)

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  21. I am crying. There are people who jokingly say they would give an arm or a leg for something. I wonder...You have some understanding of what that would really mean, and yet would choose it freely. Remarkable.

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  22. So I am sitting here reading your post and suddenly I have to stop because tears are filling up my eyes and I can't read. My own Michael turns 20 today and he has struggles with learning disabilities and socialization and so much of what you said hit home, but in a different way. Such beautiful words, thank you!

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  23. I am a fairly new reader of your blog, and didn't know some of your story. You are setting an amazing example for your son. True empathy and compassion is difficult to teach. Well done.

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  24. Darling Sachiko,
    Sorry the text, I am Brazilian and I do not know English.
    I am writing by google translator.
    What I would tell you is that I was very touched
    with your letter to Michael!
    It's good to know that our children are growing up in a world so chaotic, but they have inside you a true feeling and they are sensitive, is not it?
    You are very right when she says that the most important thing in life is what we have at heart.
    This will carry forever.
    I admire you too much, ok?
    Peace and light!
    Jackie

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  25. What a great post. You really are beautiful through and through, Sachiko! Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom that I so hope to instill in my own children as well!

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  26. Your sweet attitude and example to your children is so inspiring to me. Thank you for sharing this.

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  27. A very moving story and a very poignant lesson to be learned. I hope the teacher would pick a relevant story to explain to the kids why such attitude is inappropriate. There are sometimes parents who would not take the time to discuss similar situations with their children and the little ones do need guidance and good model behaviour to follow.
    Thimbs up for you and Michel!

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  28. Great words of wisdom. I hope to be more like you someday.

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  29. Thank you for sharing. That was sweet that your son tried to protect you. I think you explained this to your son beautifully.

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  30. What a great post, and what a little man. My <3 melted when I read this.

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  31. You have such strength and courage!
    What a great mother you are!

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  32. Thank you for taking the time to post this. I, in turn, will take the time to instill the same strength and positive thinking in my day today!

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  33. Thank you for taking the time to post this. I, in turn, will use strength and postive thinking in my day today. I am grateful for the reminder...

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  34. You have determination and heart. Your line "Don't let hurtful words or situations define who you are or who you are becoming. When you know that you didn't do anything wrong and people are still mean to you, use them as a tool to become a better you" is so wise. I will remind my daughter of those very words when she encounters a difficult classmate.

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  35. Awesome. I have two children, the little one was born with several health issues, and he has only one ear, his name is David and he is 4 years old, he has been my greatest teacher. Sorry for my english, i´m from Mexico.

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  36. With a mom like you, I think Michael stands every chance of becoming a strong, confident, and compassionate man.

    I love that you're teaching him to not be easily offended or to hold grudges. It's so sad to see how things like that just eat away at people.

    I read once that holding a grudge is like drinking a poison that you hope will kill the other person. And it's so true.

    Thanks for sharing this. You have a lucky family :)

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  37. You're awesome! I came from country where after the war lots of young people lost their limbs. Some more than one limb so I feel I understand this and I know the pain. But you know you are beautiful and more whole than many other people who appear to have everything in place. Thanks for sharing - many blessings to you.

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  38. You are a wonderful woman, being a wife and a mom. It's not easy when you are a handicap person. GOD has given you a loving family to compensate this. Enjoy your life everyday. Love and kisses.

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  39. Wonderful, beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us today. You have really lifted my heart to a new level.

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  40. Way to go, Sachiko! I've been a follower of your blog for more than a year and I never knew about your physical condition! I just couldn't imagine that a lucky mom like you had had a rough patch before. Thank you for sharing this with us. I feel so happy for you that you have a loving family!

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  41. I feel for you and your child. You are truly a beautiful woman.
    I have to tell you of one of my good friends. His mom, gone now, had a prosthetic leg. At one New Year's Eve party, the men got blindfolded and several women made their legs "available". The men had to guess which was their wives legs. It was decent; didn't go over the knee. It was hilarious when Bob's Mom put her leg into the line. I don't recall which man it was, but the look on his face was priceless. Not everyone knew it was a prosthetic leg; they thought she just had a limp.

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  42. when i read your post, i was wordless. Your are awesome mother with beauty and brave heart, guiding your son in right path. look at this way most of us face bulling at some point of time. but you were absolute right breaking nose is not a answer. You are great mom and you have a lovely boy.
    I tell you, you are a great inspiration for many people. Lot of love from us to your loving family.

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  43. Your letter to your son was moving and touching, and I can relate to your situation in more ways than I can put into this short space. You have so much to give and your son will grow up a much better person for all of these experiences. I beg of you, before you forget, to print out a copy of this letter and tuck it away with the special things you are saving for him when he gets older. It is something that you will both want to revisit down the road, and it may provide strength when you need it most.

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  44. A truly amazing and beautiful post.
    Something for Michael to treasure.

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  45. Your post brought tears to my eyes. So beautiful and selfless of you to share. You are an amazing woman and your husband and children are so blessed to have you in their lives!

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  46. My goodness...this post is perfection. How grateful I am to have read this today. No details, but have been going through a bit of something lately and your touching letter puts things back into perspective for me. I should definitely let things go. Thank you.

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  47. I loved your letter to your son. How lucky your children are to have you as their mom. This letter could be read by anyone and learn a thing or two from it.

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  48. aww, i know how your heart ached & sank with sadness when you heard that. i was diagnosed with cancer last year and have a large scar and only half an upper arm because of the many surgeries. i catch my sons friends staring, whispering and pointing and my son gets really frustrated that they treat me like that. he once said he would 'beat them up' if he heard them doing it again. i then had to explain that it was eaier to stare, whisper and point then to come and ask what happened. i said some people are ignorant and don't explain to their children no matter their age that people are different and sometimes don't look or act the same but it is no reason to stare etc. i explained to him that he should just tell his friends to either ask me what happened or he could tell them. he replied that it was 'none of their business.' to which i replied then they are going to continue to point, stare and whisper.
    i love that our boys are 'mammas boys' and are willing to 'fight' for their mamas although it isn't right.
    i am extremely proud of your lil man, mine and the others that defend their moms!

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  49. What a wonderful and thoughtful heart filled post. Thank you so much for sharing this. You and your son are so blessed to have each other.

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  50. I have been lurking on your blog for many months and have never left a comment, but your post today has encouraged me to do so. You are beautiful inside and out and I love what you told your son. He will grow up to be a wonderful man.

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  51. You are an amazing woman, Mom, artist, person! Your kids are very lucky to have you!

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  52. You are such a neat person, Sachiko. Thanks for being such a great example to me. I really look up to you.

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  53. just the sweetest little boy, i love how they are so protective of there moms. i think your post was beautiful, just like you!

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  54. Hi everyone-

    I just want to say THANK YOU! Not only that you read my LOOOONG post, but you cared enough to leave comments for me. They are such a nice and warm bundle of comments. They made me think even more about the event. I am so glad that I shared my thoughts.
    Some of you shared your personal experiences and thoughts too. They touched me so much that I had tears rolling down from my eyes as I was reading them.

    As we go through life, things happen whether we like it or not and sometimes it stinks! But we are all in this together. :)

    I wish you all the best and those of you who are going through tough times, my heart goes out to you.

    Again, thank you for your kind words.

    LOVE

    Sachiko

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  55. Good Timing! Last week I attended an ADA training at work. We do this every year so it's not new, and yet every time I go, I learn a new way to view things, a new way to interact with those who live life a little differently from me. Children are so busy trying to be "the same" as a way of measuring themselves that it's years before they understand the significance of "different". Your son is learning early and it will give him an edge over the rest in his character. He is "blessed", indeed.

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  56. I admire your reaction and your kindness. Being a parent is hard and sometimes we forget teaching our children those manners we have as adults. Children as you correctly say don't always know all the social norms and they will say what they see and think, often they don't mean any harm. But as adults we are there to teach them. So, thanks for reminding me of that.

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  57. you are one incredible mamma and can bet my last rupee/cent that your lil Michael will grow up to be the kind, compassionate gentleman with measured words, that you hope for.

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  58. This is such a beautiful letter. What a wonderful mother you are! I'm new to your blog and this was the perfect way to start my reading.

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  59. Dear Sachiko,

    I just stumbled across your wonderful blog today, I so thank you for not only sharing your "beautiful" self but your lovely family as well.

    You have such a champion in your corner, what an awesome son Michael is, I can't wait to get to know the rest of your family.

    I had a lump in my throat when Michael shared the cruelty of one of his fellow students.

    Then Sachiko, you had me laughing with the image of all the people in wheelchairs with a foot or both feet stuck in their mouths. You have quite a way with words.

    It would be a sad world if we were all alike. Thank you for coming into my life.

    A special hug to you Mom!
    Teddie

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  60. What a wonderful and inspiring post. Thank you for sharing a part of your life as a reminder of how cruel and gentle the world can be at the same time and how to find a balance between the two. Your son is amazingly awesome and I am sure will grow to be an amazingly awesome adult with the guidance you are giving him.

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  61. This is one of the most beautiful blog posts I've ever read. My daughter and I have had several discussions about what it means to have an unoffendable heart. This is a perfect example. Thank you!

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